It’s common to have problems with your work or at work place or in your life or even at large, in the society. And let me tell you that, “When there is a problem, there is an opportunity”.

When you share your problems, you usually get sympathy. This may make you feel a bit better at that moment. Sympathy according to me is like dangerous drugs which make you feel off your load momentarily, but then it slowly kill your growth. If you are passionate about solving the problem, look for empathy and not for sympathy.

“Passion needs SUPPORT not sympathy” - Naveen Lakkur

Let me illustrate the difference between sympathy and empathy with examples:

• A baby may stumble and fall while learning to walk. By feeling sad for the baby’s fall and carrying the baby is sympathizing. Instead of carrying the child if we understand what the baby wants to achieve and then extend our hand for support and help the baby walk, is empathizing.

• If a sculptor sympathizes with a stone it would always remain a dead object; if the sculptor empathizes, then there is life added to this stone with the stroke of a chisel transforming it into an idol to be admired and worshiped.

Leaders and Managers empathize with their people.

It was a wonderful session on ‘the difference between the ordinary and the extraordinary” by my colleague Rajesh Kannan at Compassites. Any learning which helps you travel an extra mile is always wonderful. With this session, it became very simple to understand the difference between ordinary and extraordinary.

It is just that little ‘extra’ which made the ordinary the extraordinary. Let me articulate my learning in my own way, which is as follows:

* If you are working hard, it’s ordinary; if you are working smart, it’s extraordinary.

* If you are responding, it’s ordinary; if you are communicating effectively, it’s extraordinary.

* If you are blaming others for your current situation in life, it’s ordinary; if you are holding yourself accountable for being the architect of your own life, it’s extraordinary.

* If you have a goal, it’s ordinary; if your action is helping you reach the goal in the most optimal way, it’s extraordinary.

* If you can learn, it’s ordinary; if you can teach, it’s extraordinary.

* If you can acquire knowledge, it’s ordinary; if you can apply it multiple times in multiple ways, it’s extraordinary.

* If you know your strengths, it’s ordinary; if others know your strengths and want to utilize it, it’s extraordinary.

Finally, let me also add that, if you want to start anything, it’s ordinary; if you can lead in the line what you started, it’s extraordinary.

Of-course we all know that this topic is subjective and the difference is always relative…but, the essence of it always remain the same, it’s that little ‘extra’ which makes you a leader…Do you have the little extra in you?

In the earlier post on Emotional Intelligence, we had seen that self awareness is the first stepping stone in becoming emotionally intelligent. “Know Thyself” is one of the well known ancient adages. A true leader is one who knows themself before they know their followers and leads them. Self knowledge is realizing one’s emotions, feelings, strengths, weaknesses. This self knowledge enables us to concentrate and capitalize on our strengths and manage or overcome our weaknesses. The great leaders of the past have never allowed their weaknesses to rule them; instead they have used it as a tool for self improvement.

Above all, self awareness helps us in making the right choices in life and gives us clarity in decision making, and LEADERS make DECISION.

I attended a WissenDock session by my colleague Vivek Sahoo at our office Compassites (‘Wissen’ in German means ‘Knowledge’ and ‘Dock’ is where the ships get ‘loaded and unloaded’). During this session I understood that, “the success of great leaders is that, all of them possessed high levels of what is called Emotional Intelligence (E.I)”.

First let us know, what is emotional intelligence?

It is a set of capabilities which enables us to cope with different situations. It also decides our reaction to every circumstance. EI in a broad sense comprises of the following:

$ Self-Awareness: Knowing and recognizing our feelings and emotions and discriminating between them.

$ Controlling Emotions: The ability to maintain balance and react appropriately to every situation.

$ Motivation: Propelling oneself towards a goal when the chips are down. This quality is exemplified in the lives of every leader.

$ Empathy: Wearing the hat of the other person to understand his feelings and then taking suitable action.

$ Relationship Management: Focusses on maintaining good interpersonal relationships and networking with people for mutual benefit.

Studies have shown that emotional intelligence is a better predictor of success than other forms of intelligence.

I liked this session very much because it set me thinking, and it struck to me that ‘Intelligence’ is an act of ‘Mind’ and ‘Emotion’ is an act of ‘Heart’ and for a leader it is important to use both Mind and Heart in a BALANCED WAY.

So, the take away for you is that - A Good Leader Has High Emotional Intelligence and it is possible to build one…